Giving It More of What You Got

I received a call from the Church of Scientology on Tuesday, May 3rd , and basically, they were following up with me about some assignments that I am still in the process of completing. I told them that I haven't completed them yet. And I told them the reason why I haven't completed them yet, and it is basically because I told them that my job takes up a lot of my energy, and when I am finished with my job for the day, I don't want to do anything else much but just relax. I then asked them, "What can I do about this? What would be a viable solution to work on this, and to get my assignments handled?" Well, the person that I was communicating with told me to just complete them, and to get them completed at a faster pace than the pace that I would normally take to complete them. When she said that, I realized how I have slowed down a lot in relation to getting my assignments done, so slow in-fact, that they've been a few months at a stand-still.

Now with these assignments, there is no specific deadline, but it is recommended that one lesson is completed every week. One thing about these assignments is that they help you in helping yourself become a better person. One thing that I am working on now is called Self-Analysis that basically breaks down the concepts of life and energy in a way that is workable to help you improve different aspects of your own life. There are also questions that help you confront certain aspects of yourself to help you release some of the negative energy that's been subconsciously culminating over the years in order to free yourself from some of those negative points as a way of helping you become more effective at being able to handle heavier situations.

But the point here is the way that I interact with everything and handle situations is a reflection of my character. If I am not effective at being able to handle situations, my mind will handle them for me, and the way that my mind usually handles it for me is through fear, resistance, and "negative" emotions. And usually, those things that are there to support us is where we have the most resistance. And I asked the person on the phone, "Why is this?" And she said that it's basically how we developed ourselves over-time subconsciously through our interaction in the world, and how we picked up on things. If something affects us negatively, our mind is going to create a protection around it, and try to resist it every time a similar experience comes up. And there is just so much stuff that have unconsciously impacted us that we are not aware of in our lives, and we have to be the ones that train ourselves to confront them, and basically that means confronting our fears, habits, and resistances.

So although, being tired after work is a pretty good reason to take the rest of the day off, but I have to make a decision. If I want to remain in, pretty much, the same mind-set, expectations, and standpoint when it comes to how I see life, and how I interact and react to things with not a lot of progression of character, self-reflection, and self-improvement, then I can keep letting my 'tiredness' be an excuse to remain in, pretty much, the same condition when it comes to how I see myself, and how I look at life. Or if I want to progress and make some contribution to myself, my conditions, and get what I want out of life, then I'm going to have to do something different which requires some form of action. Now I'm not saying that if a person works all of the time, and then goes home and relaxes everyday after work that they do not make any progress when it comes to self-improvement, progression of character, and getting what they want out of life. There's always some lesson to be learned everyday, and some opportunity or room for self-improvement that can be attained. All that I'm saying is that, for me, I don't want my 'tiredness' to be an excuse to remain stagnant. I want to move. I want to grow. I want to progress, and the degree of growth that I find if I allow my 'tiredness' to dictate my actions is not enough for me.

So, for me, what I was reminded of when communicating to this lady is to 'go faster' which means 'give it more of what you got'. In my moments when I am biased in relation to just wanting to relax or wanting to contribute to something that will help me grow and become a better person, a lot of times, I choose the former because it's easier to do. But I would like to see how far I can go, how much I can get done, and how much more results that I can generate if I do the latter.

Is My 'No' an Authentic 'No' ?

I went to the Church of Scientology on my birthday, and every time I go there, I always learn something. Scientology has so much depth to it, and the people that work for Scientology always seem to give full attention to you, and provide a means of helping you help yourself.

On April 18th, I learned about the words 'inflow' and 'outflow'. 'Outflow' is when a person is talking to someone else, therefore, communicating to that person. 'Inflow' is the person on the receiving-end, therefore, from this perspective, a 'conversation' would be the process of alternating out-flowing and in-flowing.

But this can be applied in other ways. I went up there because I was chosen to be on staff. My answer was 'no'. But see, here is the lovely part about what I like about Scientology.

Saying the word 'no', sometimes, we are not able to see what it is prompting us to say 'no', and what I learned is that sometimes, with saying 'no', we might be cutting ourselves off from a 'blessing' / 'opportunity' / 'potential'.

Therefore, I wrote down random unfinished cycles (activities and responsibilities) in my own life that are, in theory, keeping me from being on staff, and one of those things is money. So I didn't stop there. I, then, wrote a plan on what I'm going to do, or need to do to in order to amass the money I need in order to join staff, and provide a potential date of the time of when I will be able to have the sufficient amount of money.

I then wrote down all of my unfinished courses that I have yet to complete at the Church of Scientology, and provided a potential date of when each of those courses will be finished. The point here is that, sometimes, the reason that we say 'no' is because we have not given ourselves enough out-flow, which means that we have not put ourselves out there enough to be able to receive any more in-flow / blessings / results because of being stuck in a state of idleness.

Therefore, saying 'no' can be a result of existing in a state of idleness' for a long period of time.

To me, it's not about whether I will become a staff member of the Church of Scientology or not, but it is about making sure, for myself, that my 'no' is an authentic 'no', and not a result of having positioned myself in a state of idleness.

Expecting Relationships to Be a Certain Way

Redefining relationships is something that have been an interesting process for me. I never really intended to redefine relationships. Now when I mean relationships, I'm talking about the "romantic" type of relationships. I never intended on redefining relationships, but it is something that I have enjoyed over the past years. My mind, it works like some kind of battery. In my mind, for example, I might see someone and automatically have this scene playing out in my mind, and will see them as being "the one." So I can truly say that the base "programming" is there which is: I see a person.... I create a scene in my mind about them.... I then have feelings about them.... and I then try to fulfill those feelings using my experience of "desire" to communicate with them in a way that I can "win" them over. And then voila! We're in a relationship! I meeeaaannn.... if you look at it from this perspective, it is quite limiting. It's like trying to catch a fish using bait. So it's not like I'm really communicating with someone else authentically. I am using my "programming"..... or should I say my "instinct" to attract others.

For me, redefining relationships mean that I am no longer tied to these "instincts", or in other words, these patterns of behavior that I have gotten so used to. It, rather, means that I am simply using the time that I have with another to communicate, and express myself without any hidden agendas. That is when I can authentically share myself, and allow the relationship to grow into something radically distinctive than from what my expectations are used to -- regardless of what kind of relationship it is and what it develops into. So this is basically how I am redefining relationships at the moment. So that is all that I have for now. Thank you for reading!

Putting My Narrative out There

On Saturday, August 13th, I had a chance to sit down and communicate with an individual. There were a lot of things that I noticed. One thing that I noticed was that I did not once grab my phone during our conversation and browse through Facebook posts! One thing that was bought to my attention is how I tend to say "we" a lot when answering questions that are being directed to me and predominantly about me. The word "we" was articulated more than the word " I ". I've done this on social platforms before when I posted content in the past, such as status messages. A lot of the content that I expressed would be directed to the general public rather than towards or about me personally.

One day, I changed my mind, and informed myself that I'm going to "lessen the volume" on saying "we" a lot to, rather, saying things or posting content that is about myself. You know.... I found this very difficult to sit down, and think of content that I can post to social media that is about myself because of being so used to posting arbitrary content that is directed to the general public about the general public. This, right here, taught me one thing about myself.... is that I was, from a certain perspective, disconnected from myself in relation to my personal narrative.... Of course, I have had experiences in my life, but a lot of my focus throughout my life has been on the world, and how to get the world to see something, or to recognize something rather than sharing my personal narrative, and the content within my own narrative that I can offer to the world.

So therefore, posting content about myself allows me to shift my focus back to myself, and this is where intimacy is developed. Intimacy is not just these romantic feelings that emerge when interacting with someone. Yes, that is a form of intimacy, but there are other forms of intimacy, and another form of intimacy is being able to see into me, and project that insight to the outside world. So that is where I am right now -- learning how to see into me so intimately that it becomes a natural outward expression.

And to me, that is what it means to give back to the world in an authentic way. Because yes, I can give back to the world a bunch of knowledge about something arbitrary, and there is nothing wrong with sharing knowledge, but man, I think there is so much more depth in reading or watching content when you got the chance to live the story that's being shared.